What I Never Did
by oliviahotchner
Summary: In the seven months Emily spent hiding from Doyle she had a lot of time to evaluate some things. And now that she's back she know that she can't spent another day of her life without doing a little thing involving her Unit Chief. ONESHOT.


**A/N: Just a little oneshot about how Emily's return should have been. I hope you'll like it!**

 **Disclaimer: Do not own CM.**

WHAT I NEVER DID

The team was at the conference room waiting for Strauss let them know what had been decided about their situation after Doyle's case. All of them, with the exception of JJ and Hotch, were still trying to accept that Emily was really there, alive and back to them. After almost eight months of her 'death' she had appeared at the BAU, after they had managed to arrest Doyle.

Emily knew that she had a lot of work to do to be welcomed back fully by her friends. They had mourned her death; they had buried her and cried over her for months. Derek spent all that time thinking that he had been too late, that he hadn't be able to save her from the terrorist who had aimed her. He had felt her blood running through his fingers, had heard her asking him to let her go and had watched her being rushed on the ambulance, the paramedics trying to save her hopelessly.

Reid had felt the loss of his friend deeply, mourning the fact that he hadn't been able to say goodbye to her, to let her know how much she meant to him, how much he became to depend on her for everything, as a friend, as a sister and even as a mother sometimes. She was the one who had patience to listen to his random facts and watch his silly magic tricks always. She listened to him when he had a problem, when he had suffered on Tobias hands, even when he slashed at her and treated her like shit because off his abstinence she was always there, offering him comfort.

Garcia was so afraid that she was going to vanish from her sight again, that if she blinked she would be gone and the emptiness she had felt ever since her death would be back with full force. She had lost a big part of her brightness, her always shining glint, her colorful clothes, her funny glasses and even her silly toys had lost the appeal for her. She had taken Sergio with her, to be a reminder of her little Gumdrop, a little piece of her to make a connection. And now, with her here, back to her place, her family, she was clutching to her, afraid that if she let her go she would lost her again.

Rossi was trying the hardest to not show any strong emotions, knowing very well how Emily must been overwhelming right now. But God, how much he had missed her! Her sparkling eyes and her contagious laugh that always filled his ears on the darkest days on the office. How much he had missed her amazing inputs on the most difficult cases, when there was almost no hope to found the unsub. He came to love her as a daughter and her death had been a deep stab on his chest. Some part of him sometimes had the slightest hope that all of this had been a dream or a lie; that she was actually alive and someday would be able to come back to them. But he always shoved this part of him inside because he knew that it would only become more difficult to accept the truth. And now, seeing her smile so brightly at Garcia's arms he knew that she was back. And with the hope of God she wouldn't leave ever again.

Strauss entered the room, interrupting their talk. All eyes turned to her, anxious at her news. "Well, even though the Bureau doesn't appreciate being lied to, Agent Prentiss managed to convince them that you only did what was necessary due the circumstances. So, they'll keep a close eye on all of you, you may want to play by the rules, but other than that you're good." All seven agents let out breaths of relieve. "The team is lucky to have you, Agent Prentiss".

Emily looked dumbfounded at Strauss for a few seconds. Did she hear right? They were offering her job back, after everything that she had done? Looking at her team and the anxious smiles on their faces she knew that she would be welcomed again, with open arms, even after so much pain she had put them through. Her eyes lingering at the form of her Unit Chief on her left side. As much as she wanted to say hell yes, I'm back she knew that she had to do something first. And maybe after that he wouldn't even want to see her face, let alone let her come back to his team.

"I just have to discuss something with Hotch before make a decision, ma'am". She saw Hotch frown at her but kept her focus on Strauss who nodded to her and said goodbye to everyone. After she left everyone looked at her but she turned to Hotch. "Can we speak in your office?"

He kept frowning at her but nodded. "Of course, come on."

She followed him on the way to his office trying to prevent her hands from shake and sweat. She had thought about this for a very long time and she knew that she had to do it. She could lose everything, her job, her family, but she knew she couldn't pass another day without this. So here she was, following the man she had loved for so many years and praying to God to not be doing the biggest mistake of her life.

During all her life she had had a lot of boyfriends, some serious, other not so much. A few didn't even could be called boyfriends. But never, ever had she felt the way she felt about this man. She never let anyone in too much, too afraid of being hurt, due her difficult childhood, having to move all the time, not being able to make real friends, aside from the failed example of love and companionship she had from her parents' marriage.

And she was okay with that. She had some company from time to time and was able to protect her heart from any hurt. It was a win-win, right? But then she met this damned man. This stoic, cold, sometimes frigid man, who was expert on driving her nuts, didn't trust her completely, treated her like a piece of shit and then kept her at arms-length all the time. And rather than want to be farthest as possible from him she had fallen in love with him. Not like a crush or a silly physical attraction. No, no, she fell in a very hard, deep and without-a-slight-hope-of-turn-back way. Masochist much uh?

All the times he was in danger, all the risk situations, all the times he had taken down an unsub alone, all the times he had been wounded, shot, stabbed, blown up, all the times she saw him going into a hostage situation, all those times she had used every fiber of her being to use all the compartmentalization training she had to shove her feeling inside, to not show her concern, to not show how she was dying inside every time she saw him hurt.

And with this last near-death experience she knew that she couldn't keep living without letting this feelings come into surface at least once. So she entered into his office when he opened the door to her but rather than going to the couch or one the visitor's chairs in front of his desk she went to his blinds, closing them off all the way, blocking any visibility from the outside. When he raised his eyebrows to her she just stood with an emotionless expression and went to the door to lock it too.

"Emily?" He asked a little taken at back at her actions. He leaned on his desk and crossed his arms on his chest, waiting for her explain.

She stood on the middle of his office for a few seconds struggling, trying to find a way to start what she had to say and do. She decided that she had to explain first, because if she did what she wanted to do and he became too furious to not even listen to her after it would be a lot worse. So, she took a deep breath and raised her head to meet his questioning eyes. "I have to do something. And I have to do it before I make a decision about coming back or not because if after I do this you stay really mad at me, with all the right must I add, and then you won't want me on your team anymore and it would be really weird".

His frown increased and he asked. "What are you talking about Emily?"

She avoided his eyes and turned around, looking at his book shelfs. "I died Hotch. Literately and figuratively. My life was taken away from me and don't get me wrong, I'm not accusing you at all, you saved my life and put your career on check with it and for that I'll be forever grateful. But when you die, when your life is marked with something so big, you start to question yourself. You start to think about all you did with your life, everything you lived, all the lives you affected, all the good things you've done, all the bad things you've done. But mostly you question yourself about everything you didn't do. All those little things you post-pointed, thinking that you hadn't time to do or that you couldn't do because of so many reasons, because you thought it wasn't right, because you never allowed yourself to do it, or even because you were too afraid to do it".

He tried to understand what she was saying, where she was going with all of that but couldn't. So he stood in silence, waiting for her to finish. Suddenly she took a few steps towards him and locked her eyes with his and he could see the tears pooling on hers and the way her face showed so many emotions, pain, shame, hope and especially fear. "I died and all I could think about it was that I spent almost four years by your side seventy-five percent of my days and never had the courage to do this. And those seven months I spent hiding, not knowing if I was ever coming back, if I would have to stay hiding for the rest of my life, all this time I was filled with the regret of being a coward, of not letting myself to feel this, to experience this, even for just one time".

His eyes widened when she took the last few steps between them, standing so close to him that he could smell the strawberry's scent from her hair. His heart jumped with hope. Could she really be talking about what he thought she was? Could it be possible that she felt the same way about him all this time? Did they really have waste all this time? "Emily…"

She raised her hand to stop him. "I just ask you one thing. Even if you want to shove me away from here, please just let me do this. I need this. At least one time". She looked into his eyes for a couple of seconds before cupping his face with her hands and dragging his face to her, capturing his lips with hers.

For a moment she thought that her heart had stopped. Never, ever, not even on her deepest dreams had she thought that this could be this perfect. The always so thin and apparently hard lips of this man were the softest lips she had ever tasted. She pressed herself more closely to him, enjoying the fact that he hadn't pushed her away yet, and linked her arms around his neck, taking his bottom lip between her teeth and biting slightly. Then her heart definitely stopped because rather than push her away she heard him moan deeply and then his hand were cupping her head tightly, holding her to him and his tongue were tracing her lips, begging for entrance.

Once he felt her lips touch his he knew that heaven was real. He froze on spot, feeling her press very slightly her lips on his, and then press herself closer to him, putting her arms on his neck, playing with his hair and tugging it a bit. Only when she bit his bottom lip he couldn't stay motionless anymore. He moaned deep on his throat and cupped her face, bringing her to him, holding her to him with such despair that he had never experienced. He pushed his tongue into her mouth tasting her for the first time and it was all just too much. He suddenly turned her around so she was pressed between him and his desk. He let one hand still cupping the back of her head, and brought the other down her back until reach her waist, holding her tightly to him.

She couldn't believe it. The moment his tongue met hers she thought she was dreaming. It wasn't possible that this man, this same man she had loved for so many years was kissing her back with such fervor. She heard him growl and spin her around to press her on his desk, holding her so closely by her waist. She moaned into his mouth, pressing herself to him, tugging his short hair on her fists and fighting with his tongue, not really wanting to win. For her will he could stay ravishing her mouth and her body for as long as he wanted.

Eventually the lack of oxygen became too much for them to ignore. Slowly they pulled apart, both breathing heavily. He looked at her and the smile on her face was so bright and wide that he felt his heart race even more. She opened her eyes and looked into his dark ones, smiling widely. "So, I still have a job?"

He chuckled and shook his head at her. Leaning down he captured her lips in one more sweet kiss before pulling back, caressing her cheek. "You have no idea how long I've wanted you, how long I've wanted this. You not only have a job Emily. You also have me". He said looking deep into her eyes.

She couldn't prevent the single tear from falling from her eyes. She pressed herself into him in a tight hug, burying her face on the crook of his neck. "I love you so much". She sobbed.

Hotch closed his eyes at her words. God, he never thought that he would ever hear those words coming from her lips directed to him. He cupped her face with his hands and brought her face to meet his, looking into her eyes. "Say that again".

She smiled at him. She would do anything he asked right now, especially this. "I love you Aaron. I love you so much. I always loved you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you". She said, each time placing a kiss on his jaw, cheek, nose and finally on his lips.

He held her head to him to prolong the kiss a little more. Pulling apart he felt the moisture on his eyes and for the first time on his life he didn't feel shame for that. He was feeling so much happiness, joy, relieve and love that he couldn't prevent it from escape from his eyes. And honestly he didn't want to. He wanted that she knew just how much he loved her. How much he wanted her. And how much he was incredibly and indescribable happy to have her now. Tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "I love you too. I love you so much. And I'm not letting you go, ever again. You'll never be alone anymore".

"You promise?"

"I promise".

And that was the greatest thing he could say to her. And even more amazing was that he kept that promise. Forever.

 **THE END.**

 **A/N: Please, let me know what you thought of this. Maybe I could do a sequel. This only depends on your feeback. :)**


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